I was 36 years old

when I finally hit a true rock bottom moment. A lack of foresight created a financial crisis: all my money was gone. A panic attack every morning for a week, an eventual falling away from someone I deeply loved, and again, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I was riddled with all of it; falling to pieces. Why was I such a screw up?! All my friends and family had gotten married ages ago. Why couldn’t I stay in a meaningful relationship?! I finally decided on going to college but ended up with a very basic degree. Why can’t I truly stick to anything? The hardest part of the journey was knowing that everyone else was wondering this as well. I was a 36 year old adult, single, broke, living with my parents again, with a useless degree, no home of my own, in fact, I could fit all of my life’s possessions into the back of my Hyundai, Accent.

Lost doesn’t begin to express it.

A close friend of mine had been seeing a psychiatrist for a long time and had received fantastic results. I decided to go to this psychiatrist – a last ditch effort – as I had been diagnosed and seen by 2 other psychiatrists and many family practice doctors, and had always received the same response: Depression and Anxiety. Always different versions of the same medications. I received some relief from counseling, but I can promise you taking the wrong medications for your equally wrong diagnosis should be studied by governments as some form of torture. I lived in a state of pseudo-hell for 19 years. Nineteen. Years; more than half my life gone. 

Within a matter of 30 minutes, I was diagnosed with ADHD.

This is where the story changes. This was an answer to 19 years of wondering why I never lived up to my potential, why everything I tried eventually failed, why the most important moments of my life hadn’t even happened yet, or if they did, I was sadly disappointed. Admittedly, I’ve spent a good amount of time since then experiencing the “grief of what could have been,” and there is no better word for it. Grief. The sorrow to surpass any I had ever known. The knowledge that there were so many missed opportunities, so much lost love, so much lost time that I would never get back. The knowledge that more than half my life was burnt away by an insidious evil no one even knew was there. Sure, they could see the results, but their rendered judgments all created a resounding, deafening echo throughout my life, and I, as so many other ADHD brains, began to accept my fate as the family screw up: Lazy, disinterested, wasting my talents and potential.

Gratefully that’s not the end of the story…

Making my mess my message

It’s been a long road over the past 3 years, but the most change has happened since I got my own ADHD coach, and decided to “make my mess, my message.” (Robin Roberts) I now own my own business, and I never knew I could be as deeply immersed in something that provides so much meaning to me; not because I’m now a coach, being a coach is my path, but it is the work done with my coach has made all the difference in the world. Obviously, we all have to discover our own paths, and yours, when lit by the knowledge and full acceptance of who you are, and shaping your world around your unique, powerful brain, will bring you just as much passion as I’ve experienced, and move you on your way to that fulfilled life you’ve been aching for. I have been able to land in a field where my talents and natural proclivities shine; I understand who I am so much more clearly than I ever have; something that many ADHD brains grapple with for years. Living within my integrity, knowing who I am, has helped me identify what I want to do, and given me laser-focused vision on how to achieve that. Now, I can remember those dreams that I’d given up on, long ago, and with hope press forward. I know, this sounds like a sales pitch, but it’s just the truth. If you asked anyone I know what hill I’d choose to die on, they’d tell you solid, scientific fact. That hill of solid, scientific fact I would die on, exists, and it’s called neuroplasticity, or the brain’s ability to change at any age. This is what makes true change in all forms of counseling, and coaching, possible. And it gives me the honor of being able to work with my clients, creating true change, and help them build a life they stopped believing was possible long ago.